Haiku High ColonicHaiku, that ancient Japanese ver…

Haiku High Colonic

Haiku, that ancient Japanese verse form, is meant to explicate eternal values, mimic gestures in nature, immerse the reader in contemplation. But at Verb-ops, we prefer the new forms. Introducing the “Inside Haiku”. It hints at immoral activity, refers to people nobody knows, and tells a covert story. (You still gotta do the math right).

We break from form, however, to give you a little background: The article I wrote on Viagra for the “Drugs That Changed the World” issue at Chemical & Engineering News culminated in a crunching denouement of bad news from both the clinic and “The Show” (our term, henceforth, for the home office in DC).

I needed Haiku therapy.

Proffered without approval from Pfizer, Bob Dole, Dunkin Donuts, or “Janet”:

The Viagriad

Yesterday, blindness.
Today, it’s hypertension.
Enough with the news!

Five o’clock e-mail:
84 freakin’ lines long?
Jiminy Cricket!

PhD chemists
Catch the double entendre
And pester Janet.

Top urologist
Offers a thoughtful insight–
Dumped in “More online.”

I can’t believe it!
Somebody in Washington
Cut “Dunkin Donuts”!

Keep telling myself
The true path leads to closure!
Should have done Prozac

Speak, Ghost! Whereat The Ghost of "Memorie" into…

Speak, Ghost!

Whereat The Ghost of “Memorie” intones the language of “Memoir”

Hey! It’s Grandma Mullin! Look at you all “Rosasharn Joad“ there, Grandma! Um…We’ll get to you.

For now, lets all read these wonderful memoirs about grandmothers by Meg and Kizz

And read their blogs,
Blogcabin and 117 Hudson

Bye, for now Grandma!
Vanx

I Will Never Learn

I Will Never Learn

Greetings From Suburban Hell Ours is an angry, …

Greetings From Suburban Hell

Ours is an angry, vengeful God

I’m Very Sorry I promise never to pillory a belov…

I’m Very Sorry
I promise never to pillory a beloved raconteur on Verb-ops again.
Vanx

“Bland, predictable, elitist whimsy”

The New York Times

Hey! That was them!

Fun with Literature Here’s a game you’ll like. G…

Fun with Literature

Here’s a game you’ll like. Get a copy of Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. Open to any page and read a sentence at random in the voice of the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. Works every time! Start with this one:

“Hoo, me brother Malachy–sure and he had a hangdog look about him, but didn’t he just come off three months in county for hjackin’ a truck?”

Shair ‘n I’m goin’ ta Hell fer this one, Malachy,
Vanx

Ops Populi Ian at Astonished Head is down with my…

Ops Populi

Ian at Astonished Head is down with my e-mail and back , in part, with wisdom:

“The patriotism/sacrifice equation is entirely unbalanced. I think that both sides of the debate know it, too, and that knowledge is contributing to the rancor in the public square.”

Hie thee hence in your underpents to
ASTONISHED HEAD

Click favorites,
Vanx Verb-ops

Song of the Day Job Panza Ridiculoso (Or the Sta…

Song of the Day Job

Panza Ridiculoso
(Or the State of Church and State
in the City of Madrid)

I’m looking for a bar called Estasay
In Salamanca. Pure Buffoon! Goatee,
A ponytail, my glasses and barrette
Belie a crisis on Ortega y
Gasset Calle. The corner crossing birds’
Mechanic words are chattering again…

(Before I meet the suits of the absurd
I’ll have a beer at Estasay, my friend,
If I can find the place some time today.)

I know that Senor Mongen doesn’t see
When I harpoon the birds that block his way
Outside a club called SNOB (It’s not for me!
For I remain ridiculous, you know,
As Senor Mongen’s Panza–Quid pro quo!)

Madrid, November 2005

Photo: Panza

VOX VERB-OPS (The all- cotton Astonishedhead Te…

VOX
VERB-OPS
(The all- cotton
Astonishedhead Tee, left)

I replied via e-mail to a post by Ian Wood last night. Ian, if you don’t know (and you should), is master of the Astonished Head. His post is a thoughtful thing he calls the Comfy Warmonger II. It addresses the unprecedented lack of homefront sacrifice we are experiencing during a prolonged war in Iraq. It got me thinking about several things, including the yellow “Support our Troops” ribbon magnets on cars on the Garden State Parkway and other commuter byways coast to coast.

Care to share?

Let’s support our troops.
A) But how? With a 5% surcharge on gasoline ? How about instituting the draft? Wars cost money and we can’t keep redeploying the same soldiers. If we are unwilling to bear this level of sacrifice, we shouldn’t be at war.
B) Hey, don’t give me that “America right or wrong,” “love it or leave it,” “if you’re not with us you’re against us” crap. Too divisive. You’re not talking to Ramsey Clark here.
C) It’s not nice to believe that support for the troops and opposition to the war are incompatible.

My favorite line in the e-mail to Ian–”It’s all public relations until someone gets hurt.” You like? You can use it.

Read Ian’s blog post. It’s rather in-depth, but you can take it! Also dig Comfy Warmonger , part one, with the guys on the roof.

Editor’s note: Maybe if the ribbons said “I Support our Troops” I would be less hackles-up. More of a declaration rather than a directive.

It’s all too beautiful,
Vanx

Who’s Your Hamami? When the wind does blow And the…

Who’s Your Hamami?

When the wind does blow

And the snow does snow,

The mind does go to warmer memories,

such as
Hassan Fattah’s

Bachelors Party at the

Galatasaray Hamam

in Istanbul!

And just as the “ghost of memorie” clears her throat,

the cyber ghost interrupts with mail from London:

Welcome Lara Barbara Fattah
December 9, 2005!

More on the Hamam later. The ghost is a little choked up right now.