. Ask Vanx! _______ Witless Acts Expected at Poll…

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Ask Vanx!
_______
Witless Acts
Expected at Polls

Dear Vanx,

The Democrats are surprising even themselves with their newfound strength in this midterm election. Of course, it’s all on the backs of the chickens coming home to roost at the Bush White House. Still, we’ll take it any way we can get it, right? What d’ya think? Could this be “our year”?

Hopefully,
Timmy
Whippany, New Jersey

***

Dear Timmy,

Of course not. Here’s why.

There is something called the Republican Voter Psyche. Basically it works like this. The “wronger” Republican leadership is proven to be, the “madder” Republican voters get. And when Republican voters get mad, they vote Republican “real hard.”

Sure, it’s mindless and brutal, but it’s how elections are won under our two-party system. And don’t kid yourself about the mindless part, Timmy. There is enough of that to go around. Maybe if the so-called “Democrat” party dealt with its Joe Lieberman problem with the savvy that the “Republic” party brought to its Lincoln Chafee problem, you would be able to claim the intellectual high ground. As it is, American politics has been reduced to a Democrat-endorsed low-comedy mud wrassle. So…you lose!

Don’t be upset, Timmy. There are a lot of coping mechanisms that you can use to deal with a future of wall-to-wall shutout. I, for example, have chosen to become a prophet. And when you’re a prophet, voting is a conflict of interest. You have no dog in the race, no skin in the game, and nothing hurts anymore! You just sit back and listen to the crunch of humanity under the boot heel of 20th Century Part Two and simply say, “See, I told ya.”

I highly recommend it!
Vanx

Edit0r’s note to self: Who the Hell takes a laptop on hiatuszzzzzzzzzz?

Photo grabbed from WFMU